Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

A Weird Way To Fall Asleep

I've been having some weird insomnia issues lately. Basically I've been going through some sort of low-grade depression ever since returning from Chicago, probably triggered by homesickness and exacerbated by a whole bunch of "ice days," most of which required me to stay in my apartment because it was too icy even to make the 6 minute drive to see my aunt and uncle and them. Sitting indoors day in and day out with not much natural light or fresh air resulted in my spending most of my time huddled in a pile of blankets with my dog and kitten, somewhat watching TV, sleeping or dozing the days away, and then having difficulty getting to sleep at night. This should have been my best few weeks ever, with plenty of time to just do art projects, blog, write, etc... but unfortunately my low-grade depression  took away any motivation I had to do anything other than sit on the floor with my animals. Exacerbating this further was the fact that I got sick on Friday and had even less energy than before.

The main reason I'm telling you all that is because I wondered if you'd heard of ASMR, or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It is a relaxation technique that seems to work for some people. It is kind of hard to explain. but I will try. See if you can relate to this at all.

For as long as I can remember, I've had strong reactions to certain sounds, There are some sounds that I've always hated, to the point where I'd have to cover my ears or even get angry at the person making them. In the past few years I've learned that this is an actual condition, called misophonia. That basically means that certain norma, everyday sounds trigger an unpleasant emotional reaction. The site I linked to above,, lists tons of common triggers that different people have reported. One of my biggest triggers has always been mouth sounds. For instance, people chewing with their mouths open, talking with their mouths full, "plopping" their lips (I don't know if there is an actual word for it but I could demonstrate it for you if you were here) biting their nails, sucking on candy, loud kissing (like movie kissing), or using a toothpick. All of those might mildly annoy many people, but I literally have to cover my ears or I get a strong emotional and physically uncomfortable feeling. My mom and brother were huge offenders when I was a kid, and it used to make me get angry at them, but eventually I realized it was easier to just plug my ears or cover my head. The sound and sight of people brushing their teeth is also a huge trigger for me. Why do all TV shows have to show people brushing their teeth and talking to each other? Can't we just assume they brushed their teeth at some point? I cannot converse with, or even be in the same room as, a person who is brushing their teeth, Even brushing my own teeth is unpleasant. I need some sort of background noise, like a bathroom fan or water running at full force, to distract me. Sometimes people's voices, or the way they pronounce words and sounds, is a trigger. For instance some people say their "P" sounds really juicily, and it makes me want to rip my ears off and throw them as far away from myself as I can. Sometimes people breathing noisily or with stuffy noises bothers me terribly. People with very soft voices bother me terribly. I don't mean normal quiet voices, but for instance when I was younger I had this case worker whose voice was so soft, she sometimes literally whispered. It made me want to raise my own voice to almost a yelling level to balance it out! It turns out, misophonia is pretty common for people with autism or ADHD.

On the other hand, some weird everyday sounds have always given me a very pleasant, calm feeling. Many of my family members remember how, when I was little, I was always begging people to take me for a walk. I would either walk along in the stones that bordered the road (they didn't have sidewalks where my grandparents lived) or in the piles of dried leaves that gathered along the edges of the sidewalk and roads in the fall. The reason was because I loved the crunching sound my feet made while walking on these surfaces. LOVED it. I could have walked all day and all night listening to those lovely sounds. Another sound I can think of is book pages. When I read, I tend to sort of wiggle the page I'm on, to hear the crunchy sound. Some books also make a pleasant sound when you open them wide enough that their spines bend a little. The sound of typing or of buttons being clicked has always been a favorite of mine, but only when I'm not trying to concentrate on something else. It gives me such a strong reaction that, if I am trying to do school work or something, I cannot stand to hear other people typing... but if I'm just sitting there doing nothing, it is a very pleasant sound to me.

When I was little and I'd go to sleepover parties, I'd often be one of the first kids to decide to go to bed. I'd lay there listening to the other kids whispering, and it would make me feel so calm and relaxed that I'd be able to lay perfectly still and I'd drift off to sleep. Throughout my life there have been many other times when I'd be sleeping in a room, and I'd wake up because some other people came into the room, but, not knowing I was awake, they'd start whispering to each other. Listening to their whispered voices would put me right back to sleep. I detest the 700 Club, but I've been known to turn it on when I'm trying to sleep, because the way he pronounces his P sounds... which is the exact same thing that drives me crazy usually... actually relaxes me sometimes when I'm not trying to do something else. Other sounds I can think of include the teacher writing with chalk or erasing the blackboard when I was a kid (white boards just don't have the same effect.)

So. The other night, I couldn't sleep, and I  was having such restless leg issues that I imagined, if I cut my legs off with an axe, they'd continue to run around on their own because they just had so much energy and movement in them. I decided to use my phone to look for a video of the 700 Club dude, to see if it could put me to sleep. I also thought of looking for a video of people whispering. That search is what led me to learn about Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Almost the exact opposite of misophonia, ASMR is when certain sounds give you a pleasant, tingling feeling and make you very relaxed. There are people who actually make series of videos of themselves whispering or making other common ASMR noises, and others watch or listen to these to fall asleep. Apparently some of them have a cult-like following! If you do a video search for ASMR, you will find a ton of these videos.

If you have both misophonia and ASMR, as I apparently do, it can be hard to find a video that relaxes you and doesn't drive you crazy. The reason is that a lot of people's ASMR "triggers" are also misophonia "triggers" for others. For instance, some people love mouth sounds, and there are whole videos where people just eat loudly in front of a microphone. That would be like torture to me. I found some, though, that are just whispering. When I put those on my phone, I fall deeply asleep very quickly. Its weird. Here is one I found that is of someone reading a story in a whisper. This wasn't quite as easy to fall asleep to, because I really liked the story and was paying attention to it, but it was still very relaxing and helped my restless legs to chill out.

I just felt like some of you guys out there might be interested in this. I was surprised when I learned that misophonia was a thing and not just my own weird quirk, and now I've been surprised to learn that ASMR is also a thing!

I suck at ending blog posts. So here, for no real reason, is a very cute picture of Lily and Yoshi!