A. A medical reason. For instance I used to be anemic, but I take iron pills, and even when I wasn't taking them my most recent blood tests came back normal. The last time I had a physical exam I mentioned to the doctor that I was so tired all the time, but that I had felt like that for many years now. She just said, "Then maybe that is just normal for you."
B. Poor nutrition. Because I like sugar. I do try to eat vegetables and fruits and stuff, plus I take vitamins. Maybe I should be drinking more water or something.
C. The Spoon Theory. I've mentioned this before. Basically it means people with things like autism, ADHD, and other conditions that are either mental, physical, etc, have an inconsistent level of energy each day... many days you can wake up with even less energy than you had before you fell asleep! It also is worth mentioning that people with various disorders use up more energy than other people, just doing ordinary every day activities. I want to live life to the fullest and so I am always trying to do BIG things, even though the little things alone are enough to leave me exhausted!
At any rate, depending on many things, work can either energize me or run me down. And for many months now, since I started, working with Tizzy has energized me. Trying to think of ways to teach him and help him has given me a reason for going to work each day, a reason to get up in the morning... whereas, when I was substituting, it was "just a job." I was seeing different kids and staff members every day, so it was just a day to day thing. Tizzy gave me more of a purpose. And I really like the people I work with. It's one of those classrooms where all the staff members are calm and have senses of humor and get along with each other and really care about the kids. So for months now I haven't even minded going to work.
But maybe I've been pushing myself too hard or something. I spend a lot of "after work" time trying to think of things that will engage Tizzy, like kinesthetic learning activities (Blogger's spell check swears that "kinesthetic" isn't a word, for some reason) and games and what-have-you. I love figuring out things like that, and when I spend time planning things it is usually some sort of fun for me, but still, it takes a lot of time. And at work I spend a lot of time being physically active with Tizzy, whether it means chasing him through the parking lot to bring him back to the safety of school, peeling him down from the tables and walls, or trying to escort him down the hall to the social worker's office while he kicks and punches me. And the other part is that he is so angry a lot of the time, and he's always yelling at me to shut up or saying he hates me or screaming that some random thing (like him spilling his milk) is all my fault. I know it is not really me that he is angry at. The anger is inside him, and it is bigger than him, and he is a little boy and doesn't know how to deal with all that pain. But still, you absorb it, don't you. I love him and care about him, and I know what a sweet little boy he can be when he is happy. He is awesome when he is happy. There are days that I wish wouldn't end, because he is happy and we're having fun and things are good.
At any rate... I had an amazing weekend. Despite the fact that I was feeling sick on Thursday and Friday, on Saturday I went to a Meetup event at this place where there is random arts and craft supplies everywhere you look and for $11 you can use it all to make as many crafts as you want. I meant to go for an hour, but I ended up spending 3 hours working on a tactile board that I am going to bring to the special needs day camp I'll be working at over the summer. Then I got to go to PJ's house, where she gave me a haircut (I was getting kinda shaggy) and where I got to spend some time playing with one of my very favorite Border Collie friends. Then I went home and, I dunno, did random stuff like change the water in my fish tank and play with my dog. Today, when I woke up, I had a great blueberry pancake breakfast with my aunt and uncle, and then got to open my birthday presents... a Kindle Fire and a goat T-shirt from my aunt, a new backpack and some glitter pens from my mom... and went to my NAMI Walk-a-thon and then went out for pizza with my aunt and uncle. And now I am back at the house where I am dogsitting, and I am so tired that I wanted to go to bed when I first got home, even though it was only a little past five.
What was the point of this blog entry? I am so tired, I'm not even sure what I started out wanting to say here. Basically this... I love my job, but right now when I think of going there tomorrow, I want to hide under the bed and cry! There's only four weeks left of school though... and then when it ends, I will really want to cry, because I will miss it so much.
I'm not very good at ending these blog entries neatly. So now, for your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of Lily with her birthday presents (her birthday was the 11th but we celebrated both of our birthdays together today,) She was stressed out because she couldn't decide which bone to chew on first!