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Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Monday, August 4, 2014

My Life Has Gone To The Dogs!

I am still dogsitting over here! Tonight is actually my last night. The parents of Reggie and Poppi should be home tomorrow some time, I'm not sure when. 
Lily has been getting along well with the other dogs. I took a few pictures of her. Here is Lily with Reggie... 

and here she is with little Poppi. She thinks it is funny to be with a dog even smaller than her! 
Poppi looks like she's sticking out her tongue and going, "Bleh!" 

I tried to get them to take a picture of me, but they had a hard time holding the camera in their paws! 

In other news, tomorrow is my exciting job interview for a school in Oregon that I kind of really want to work at. It would be cool if they just offered me the job over the phone right there, wouldn't it? When I think about it possibly happening, I get so many emotions at once! Here is my brain. 

"Oh my gosh, wouldn't it be so great? I'd have a teaching job! I'd have freedom to do whatever I want with the lessons and activities! I'd be near my Auntie M and Uncle J, near Bro and Sunny and Squeak, and alarmingly near my cousin BT (which he may not be as happy about as I will be!) But I'm going to miss my mom and dad and my Nona and Bopop and Aunt Bee and little cousins Sox Boy and Pony Girl. And TRIXIE! How can I leave Trixie behind? Maybe this is crazy. Maybe I should just find a job around here, for now. But I don't want to get stuck here like my parents did! I want more than this for my life! But my family is a big part of my life and I won't get to see them as much. But I'll get to see Squeak so much more often! I won't  have to watch him grow up on Facebook anymore! But Trixie, I will miss her so much, how can I wake up every day without Trixie? And Trixie and Lily will miss each other! But we can come back and visit a lot. I'll save up $100 a week, and every time I have $500 I;ll have enough for a round trip plane ticket. But that will get expensive, and what if Lily doesn't do well on the plane? I am not making her ride in the cargo part. I'll figure something out. I want to go... I want to stay. This is my time... but I'M NOT READY!" 

Do you ever feel like that? 

My equine therapist, whom I call Laura in this blog but that is not her real name, told me something interesting. She said that when people feel anxiety, the same parts of their brain and the same chemicals are being lit up as when they feel excitement. Anxiety and excitement are actually pretty much the same. She says anxiety is just excitement, without support. She compared it to going on a roller coaster (a metaphor that works for me because I love rollercoasters, but maybe not so much for you if you hate them.) When you are getting ready to go on a rollercoaster, you feel excited. You know it is going to be a wild ride. But you are held in securely by the shoulder harness as your support, so you know you are safe (for the most part) and that is why you feel excitement. But if the harnesses are unlocked, and you lose your support, it turns to anxiety and fear, because now there is nothing to keep you from getting sucked out of the rollercoaster and plummeting to your untimely death. 

Do I  have support? I think I do. My mom has sort of indicated that I do not have her support in this (she's been silent about the whole matter, but hints that she does not foresee it going well.) My dad thinks the idea is a pipedream. But I would have Auntie M and Uncle J's support, and maybe BT's support as well. I would have Laura's support (even though I wouldn't get to see her and the horses each week anymore) and I could probably find another equine therapy place out there. I'd have Sunny's support, and maybe Bro's. And I'd meet more people, at work and in the world. 

But still.

You know those moments when you get on a rollercoaster you've never been on before, and you're waiting in line for like two million hours and you're thinking, "This is no big deal," but every so often you look up and see everyone on the coaster screaming past, and it looks so high and fast, and you're like, "Oh boy, what am I getting myself into?" And then finally it is your turn, and you get on, and you're just sitting there waiting for it to start, and you're starting to feel like, "Ohshitohshitohshit" and you want to change your mind but on the other hand you can't, because this is the coolest ride ever and you've been waiting all summer to go on it? 

And then off you go. And you're screaming, and you're laughing, and it's awesome, and then it is over, and you get off and tell your friends who stayed behind, "THAT WAS THE BEST RIDE EVER! DUDE, YOU GOTTA TRY IT!" 

Maybe that's what this is like. 




2 comments :

  1. Good luck, girlie! I really hope all your dreams come true!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think it would be a brave move! I'm the baby who gets to the front of the coaster line then leaves to wait on a bench for my friends.

    ReplyDelete

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