Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Just One More Thing, And Then I'll Shut Up

 The past week has been a crazy one. If you have read my last two blog entries, you know that I found a job in Oregon and got very close to moving, but then had a huge series of panic attacks and couldn't go. And that the school offered to hold the job for me, but then several days later retracted their offer with no explanation

After writing that last post, I sent an email to the principal of the school asking if there was a particular reason for the sudden change, and reminding them that they had offered to hold the job for me and that I had been looking forward to coming. When I'd spoken and emailed with the principal earlier, she had sounded so enthusiastic about holding the job, saying that she thought I was such a great fit for the children there. So I just wanted to know... why the very sudden change of heart? 

The principal shot back a one-line email message: "We have decided to restructure the program in a way that changes our staffing."

It still makes no sense to me. They were so warm and welcoming before, only to withdraw the job offer in such a cool and impersonal way. And who just randomly restructures a program a week before school starts? A day after assuring me that there was going to be a substitute there for me until I was able to come? There has to be something else going on. 

One possible reason could be that they may have found this blog. I have taken a lot of precautions to keep this blog separate from my legal name, and have avoided even mentioning the names of the towns where I was having interviews, for this reason. But I just can't think of any other reasons for them to suddenly reject me, after all that! And if there was a reason, why couldn't they just tell me? How hard would it have been to say, "Uh, we ran your credit report, and we don't think you seem very responsible after all," or "One of your references told us they secretly think you are really stupid and annoying." Or whatever. Wouldn't that have been kinder than a cold, one-line email?

I would like to call them up and scream a huge "@#$% YOU!" for the hurt this has caused me. But that wouldn't be very professional, now, would it? 

So, instead, this is an open statement to the staff members at that school, and any others that might somehow find this blog. 

I have ADHD and Aspergers. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Sometimes, these conditions get in the way of my everyday life. However, they rarely, if ever, get in the way of my work with children. When I am teaching, I am at my best. 

My conditions also give me a special quality, as they allow me to connect with and understand children with special needs, in a way that many others cannot. I know first hand how these children and their families have to fight for everything. I care about each child as if he or she were my own. I try to be a role model, to show them that they can live a full life, even when their special needs sometimes hold them back a little. 

Your school works with many children with mental health diagnoses. I would hope that you would teach them to advocate for themselves, and to realize that they deserve everything that their more neurotypical peers deserve. And I hope that you, and the rest of the world, show those children more understanding and fairness than you showed me this week. 

I am hurt that I did not get the opportunity to prove what I can do. But if I really was rejected for the job based on what you read in this blog, then this school probably wasn't the best place for me after all. I'm going to move forward, now, and not look back. 


  1. There are *so many* possible reasons for them withdrawing their offer that have nothing to do with you *and* that could not be shared with you. Administration of schools is something that is often not shared in detail with even those who actually work at the school, much less outsiders. It can also be very political, and yes in fact such changes can and often do happen just weeks before the start of the new school year.

    From what you posted, there is nothing that leads me to believe it had anything to do with you.

    You want to be an adult, yes? Then you will want to work hard to not take things so personally and to not assume that things are about you or because of you. Because most of the time, it won't have anything to do with you at all. This is one of those "life lessons" that is hard, but essential.

  2. Angel, I'm sorry about the pain this has caused you. However, you stated that you had doubts about moving. I am twice your age and have come to learn that trusting your instincts is always the best way to go. My biggest mistakes have always come from denying them and moving forward anyway. I always lived to regret it.
    I agree with you on the source of your compassion for children. I heard a discussion on NPR once that the best police officers were those who had made mistakes with the law early in life. They understood kids who got into trouble better than the ones who grew up as "perfect citizens." I was shocked to hear that at first, but then it began to make sense to me!
    I know you will eventually find the perfect match for yourself "job-wise!"

  3. I'm so sorry for that. I'm praying that the perfect job is just around the corner for you.

  4. Oh, I'm so sorry! When unexplained situations like this happen in my life, I tend to believe that there is a good reason for it...and that God will put me into the right opportunity in His good time. Maybe this is one of those "blessings in disguise". I hope so! Thank you for visiting my blog...I think we can learn a lot from our dogs. :)


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