Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I am writing this post on my tablet because I can't sleep. My anxiety is at a fever pitch right now, Have you ever wanted something so bad, but at the same time been broken-hearted at everything you will have to give up in order to get it? My brain knows I want to move forward with my life. My brain knows that if I stay here, I will never find out who I really am... I will just always be a reflection of what I think others want me to be. that has always been a method of survival for me. My brain knows that it is okay to move physically away from my parents. It doesn't mean that I am abandoning them. My brain knows that it will be good for them to have the house to themselves again. (I've been staying here since 2012.) My brain knows that I will love Oregon. That I will find the types of friendships I've always wanted, where I can be my genuine self, where they want to hang out with me, not just see what they can get from me. In fact I already sort of have a friend in Portland... a girl I went to high school with. We didn't hang out back then, possibly because I was a little gutter punk with an angry look on my face. But we got to know each other on Facebook as of late. I can't keep writing... this hunt and peck keyboard is awful. But my point is... I. Am. So. Confused. But I do want to go. I just don't want to be gone.