I have mentioned before that I am not new to blogging, although this particular blog is new. The first blog I ever had was on a site called Tblog. It was called "The Girl In The Closet." (The title was a reference to the fact that I sometimes liked to hide out in closets. )
One of my blogging friends mentioned in her blog that she used the Internet Archives to find her old blog. I decided to try the same. I found my original blog and started reading through it. It was so interesting to see how much I have changed since then. but also how much I have stayed the same! There were even blog posts I wrote there, that were extremely similar to blog posts I've written here, almost ten years later! In fact, I found a blog post about my teddybear Chumbawamba, and it even had the same title, "About A Bear," as the post I wrote here!
Anyways I got kind of hooked on reading my own blog, and found several posts I really liked. I thought that once in a while I might repost some of those here!
This first post is one I wrote in July of 2004, after my first trip to a Peace Conspiracy Festival. (I don't think Peace Conspiracy exists anymore, but it was similar to Rainbow Family.) I thought this post is really relevant to my life now, and I would like to remember it. Maybe some of you will like it too!
This is the blog post:
"Once not long ago I was posting on a message board because I'd recently gone to a festival and met all these people for the first time, and I had been writing about how at first I'd felt out-of-place the way I generally always feel in new places, and I was explaining about Asperger's Syndrome to them. Someone wrote these words of wisdom back to me:
I gotta tell you...
l) Normal people are BORING... and seldom trust
worthy. (to y'all... if you think you are normal and we are friends? You
probably are not as "normal" as you think...)
2) People are seldom watching you and perceiving
you... and this is the non-specific, UNIVERSAL "you" I am using here... as much
as you think. And do you know why? Because they are sitting there FREAKING OUT
inside their own heads. "Do they think I am a dork? Was that a stupid thing to
say? What if someone asks me a question? Is my nose hair showing? Do they know
I forgot to wash my "__________" this morning?" When people are busy beating
themselves up inside they don't have a lot of time to wonder what kind of freak
or dork someone else is.... (I figured that out when I was "experimenting" with
hallucinogenics.... No one knows you are tripping if you don't tell them....
unless they are tripping too. It is an old tripper truism.) No. I am not an
3) Your spirit chose to be in this game in this
place at this time. You-- as an eternal soul-- paid the price of admission.
You are here until you are not here anymore so you might as well make the best
of it. Enjoy life. And remember--- if you aren't playing the game you are just
an obstacle on the course.
4) IF you are a freak, welcome home. WE are
FREAKS... I mean-- Geez... did you get a look at Reggie? AND WHO DOESN'T LOVE
REGGIE? (Point 'em out to me and I will kick their ego right in the tuckus....)
WELCOME HOME, LITTLE SISTER...
And remember, when you feel as though you can't
stay where you are one more minute just click your heels together three times
" THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.... THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME... THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME..."
By the Wizard Of Oz line, the writer was referring to the Peace Conspiracy events, implying that, even if I didn't feel like I fit in in the rest of the world, I would always be accepted by them. And it did seem true! When I was there, I could hang out by myself if I wanted, and nobody would think I was weird for being a loner. Or I could sit down with a group of others if I wanted, and nobody would think it was weird for a stranger to be invading their private conversation! The following year I ended up going back, bringing along three children between the ages of 6 and 10. (I had once taken them to a Chicago forest preserve for a hike, and they had so much fun climbing around on fallen trees and splashing in what was probably a highly polluted creek, that I'd decided they needed to experience REAL nature, with a clean and beautiful river where they could splash around all day, and jump off a fallen branch into the cool water. My little ones were accepted as easily as I was. In fact, the oldest one befriended another family and slept over in their campsite two nights in a row. It was one place in the world where I completely trusted that a kid would be safe with people I had only met once. Because that was the kind of place it was. But after that, I could never pull together the time off from work, dependable car, and money for gas and supplies, necessary to make the trip to Missouri, so I never went back. And now it seems to have disappeared.
But the main message still seems true. I am who I am, for a reason. People who judge me or dislike me for who I am, are not worth my time or worries. There will always be others (like you readers!) who will appreciate my differences and see the positive things about me. This should hold true for everyone, whether they have special needs or not. I need to try to remember this, every day of my life.