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Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Sunday, December 15, 2013

My House Is A Barrel Of Monkeys

This is supposed to be a lonely person I guess. Or maybe he
just feels upset because he has no facial features. Or hair. Or clothes.
Or fingers.
 Sometimes my house is a nice place to live in. For instance, there are certain days when my mom and I get along really well. A few times in the past week we have gone out shopping for Christmas presents together, and had a pretty good time.  (Although the bad thing is, if my mom says, "Do you want to go to Target with me really quick?" what she really means is, "Do you want to go to Target, Dollar Tree, Kohl's, TJ Maxx's, Aunt Debbie's house, and another Target in a different town, with me, and it will take no less than four hours, and we will not be stopping for any food or drink?" I usually fall for it anyways, because I like to get out of the house once in a while.) Or when my dad and I go out to dinner together and joke around together, or when he does really weird things, like some of you may have seen in a Facebook video I posted. (I was trying to make a video of myself reading a story to Squeak. I knew my dad had come home, and I warned him, "Be quiet, I'm trying to make a video." I realized he was standing in the room as I did it, so I felt a little awkward. But I didn't realize, until I watched the video, that he was ducking down, sneaking behind the couch, and then peeking up over my shoulder, adding creepiness to the video!) 

In times like those, I start worrying about what it will be like when I move out west. I will be mostly alone. I won't be able to go on a spontaneous shopping spree with my mom, or watch a Family Guy episode with my dad and crack up about it. Auntie M, Uncle J, Bro, Sunny, Squeak, and my cousin B will be somewhat near by, but probably by hours, not minutes. I start worrying that I will feel lonely or scared living alone. 

Then there are other times, like when my mom is complaining about how she is the only one who ever does anything at all around the house and that everyone else sucks, and my dad goes out to the local pub to drown his sorrows or whatever it is he does there, and then they're not speaking to each other and my mom is crabby with everyone and I become a moving target because my room is messy or something... on days like that, I just think, it is doing me no good to be here. I can't keep living like a sad 12-year-old from a dysfunctional home. I have to go find my own life!

Most of the time, though, things are more like right now. My mom is out with her friends, and my dad is up at the bar, and I am here alone using my computer and freaking out every time the dogs bark, especially when a little while ago I could have sworn I heard someone jiggling the back door knob, which could have been a burglar and could have been just that my dad was shoveling the snow for a while and then locked the door before he left, or could have been that I am completely insane, because it does run in the family, doesn't it, and wow this is a run on sentence! My point is, most of the time I am just here, alone, existing. When I am not feeling sad about leaving my parents so far behind, or excited to get as far from them as I can, I am feeling like, "What if I move all the way there, and it is just this, just me and my Small Dog, by ourselves, with the computer, all the time? And what if someone breaks in and kills me? Small Dog is a great watch dog for when people are near by, but if they actually manage to get in, she is not much help. I may need a pitbull. More (or I guess probably less) importantly, I hope I make some friends wherever I end up."

What a glum post! On that happy note, remember to leave your comments, because this is the last day to enter my homemade gift giveaway! Tomorrow morning I will be drawing three names to send a gift to. Maybe one of them will be you! 

2 comments :

  1. I remember those days of home life where you can'r wait to get out but at the same time terrified of being alone. I wander some days if that is how my son see me ready to more on but scared to leave.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awww...when you're ready, you'll be great on your own. And yes, it's difficult at first.

    I love your lonely little featureless fingerless person :)

    ReplyDelete

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