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Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Neurodiversity Awareness/Appreciation

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Pretty Sure I Broke My Brain.

Me feeling happy while on a hay ride, hours
before the basement ceiling attacked me.

It started out as a really great day. 
I had a great week at my new job, and I was stoked about that, but still excited for the weekend. It was a beautiful, sunny, fall day, and I had plans to go to a Meetup at a local pumpkin farm. Shockingly enough, my Meetup plans went smoothly for about the second time ever... I met up with three other random people, went on a hay ride, ate an apple cider donut and drank some hot chocolate, and picked out a ghost pumpkin to take home. It was a short and sweet Meetup, but better than sitting around at home! I recently uploaded some new songs on my iPod, and I drove home, enjoying the colorful fall scenery, blasting my new favorite songs and singing along. Got home, petted my neighbor dog, greeted my own dogs, and was happy about life in general. I heard through the grape vine ::cough cough my dad cough ahem cough:: that my mom was pissed off about my room being messy again, but I was just slightly irritated and it didn't really mess up my mood. 

And then something weird happened. 

I went down to the basement to put my sweatshirt in the laundry because it had dirt on it from carrying my pumpkin. As I went down I set my cell phone, which had been in my sweatshirt pocket, on the bookshelf next to the basement stairs. I'd have to draw you a diagram to explain exactly how I came to bash my head on the ceiling on my way back up,...but as I walked up the stairs, I bent down to get my phone, stood up, and bashed my head on the corner of the basement ceiling. The basement ceiling has an edge that hangs out right at the edge of the stairs, and that is what I knocked my noggin on. 

My head, I have to tell you, is pretty tough. I hit it on a regular basis, because I am clumsy and have no depth perception. I hit it a lot while getting in and out of cars. Once I hit it so hard, I needed staples in my head! So this time, I wasn't to surprised, except that it hurt beyond a quick "owch" moment. It kept on hurting. 

Suddenly and with no warning, I felt so sad, it was like my heart broke! Like I jabbed my heart on that corner instead of my skull. I went upstairs and random tears started pouring out of my eyes! I wasn't crying because of the pain (which still hurt but not in a tear-worthy way, just in a "Tthhhhhhh,,,, AAAAAAH!" kind of way) but because of the incredible, unexplained sadness. Why was I sad? No idea! I'd had a happy day, and my Small Dog was licking my face, and everything was fine, but I was crumbling!

I went and laid on my bed, where I sobbed into my pillow. 

Then my mom came up and started yelling at me about my room being messy, saying that if I don't clean it to her satisfaction she will go in there and throw out all my stuff. (Remember that threat from when you were in second grade, everyone? Yeah... in my mom's mind I'm still there. But I digress...) So I'm lying there bawling, and she's lecturing me, and she just assumed I was crying because of what she was saying, which probably brought her great levels of happiness, but really I was barely listening to her because I was still despondent about nothing. 

I was even getting into my old depression thoughts where I was like, "I just want to be dead." I had to remind myself of the people I cannot leave. My Small Dog would be lost without me. Squeak wouldn't necessarily miss me, because he's a baby, but later in life he might be sad he never got the chance to know his aunt. Sunny would miss me. Two out of my four little cousins would miss me. Auntie M and Uncle J would miss me. 

Now hours have passed, and the feeling hasn't gone away. I'm obviously not crying (all that salt water would ruin my laptop I'm sure) but I feel tired and sad and melancholy and kind of achy. It is like the blow to the head literally knocked me into a bout of depression.

I told you I broke my brain.

Too bad it didn't knock some sense into me, instead! 

6 comments :

  1. Do you feel nauseated at all? Uncontrollable crying is a rare side-effect of concussion. You may just need to wait a day or so to feel better again! I'm sorry your mother yelled at you, though. I remember having the same arguments over and over with my mother about the state of my room. It sucks.

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    1. Hmm, scary... that very well may have been a small concussion! I did feel a little nauseated but I thought it was just from crying. At least I'm alive, so I guess it all turned out okay!

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  2. Oh my word, that sounds BAD! Maybe you should talk to a doctor about it, just in case?? I would definitely at least tell someone you hit your head that hard so they can keep checking in with you.
    I hurt myself pretty often as well, clumsy. Sometimes it can be worse than you think. Hope you're okay!

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    1. I don't have insurance so I didn't want to unnecessarily go to the doctor... but I did tell people I hit my head. They were like, "Stop being dramatic!"

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  3. Take good care of yourself my Alien! We have a plan to work on and I'd hate for a bump on the head to ruin our plans. And remember Papa, he got a really bad bump on the head that devastated us all! Don't let that happen!!! Unc got his computer back yesterday so today I started your book!!! I'm so excited. And last night I had a dream that you and I were planning a road trip to Wisconsin. A premonition of things to come???? Hugs!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks... I should start wearing a helmet I guess! Grandpa also used to say that his brain tumor was caused by falling and hitting his head once... so I hope THAT doesn't happen to me!

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